Wino Internationale

Jesus fuck. Am I starting this up again? Like I’m not already neck deep in my own fecal wash?

Let’s try to fill in 3 years. I am alive. I am in Pittsburgh working through a Phd in Applied Linguistics, with a focus on Argument Study. I have not written anything fun since the beginning of coursework, which finished a month ago. I have not read anything without a title like “Metadiscursive Resources for Narrative Recontextualization” for over three years. I teach writing to college freshmen who generally wield an insanely overblown sense of entitlement–it’s sort of like Helium, except it makes you sound even stupider when you talk. Checkov wrote that the loudest opinons are held by people who’ve never had to struggle. I have two years of empirical evidence to back this up. It is amazing how uninterrupted privilege yields Social Darwinists of the most violent sorts.  I am currently working with the university propulsion lab to bottle this sentiment (I call it Smugulon-13) and use it as an endless energy supply for deep-space exploration. Rumor has it that Christian heaven is somewhere in the Hogwash Nebula. If I can help with its discovery and eventual destruction, it will all have been worth it.

A month ago, I was analyzing argument structures for federal whistleblowers testifying before Congress. Today I am drinking Yuengling tall boys in my underwear, playing Oblivion, and listening to my entire grindcore collection on random. Five years ago today I was unemployed and furious. One month from now I will be back in the Middle East teaching high school students how to argue in English. (Note: Anyone who thinks they know shit about how to win an argument should go 14 seconds with an Egyptian.) I’ve been doing this for a while. Complaining is for complainers. And if we’re shooting for a non-retarded world, this seems a more effective tactic than dropping bombs on people…although the results aren’t as instantly gratifying to the hairless apes perpetually in charge of the whirlybird..

My old site? Mmm, come with me as we travel through the excretory system of late-capitalism’s terminal decline! I lost my URL to Network Solutions, who are a smoking carload of hooting retards. Somehow they managed to find an email account from 15 years ago as my primary contact. Then, though I tracked them down before the URL expired, they wouldn’t let me renew without paying $150 extra. Fuck ’em.  Blindwino was bought by some Limey Sisterfister and is being used as a tool to get links on Google. He wanted $1500 for my site. Yay! Please feel free to email him with time-wasting offers and recipes for hymen pirogi.

Okay. Enough sobriety for one day. I must stuporize myself in anticipation of the Pens ritual disembowelment of the Red Wangs. Go Pens!