Does Your Job Suck?

Does Your Job Suck?

How is your career going these days? Life not quite the rollercoaster you expected it to be? Still waiting for the Porsche in the driveway? Take this Crash Site quiz to find out how (un)happy you are with your choice of career and why you should probably quit and go do something fun with your life.

1. Your CEO:

A Sets a good example for all employees through long hours, hard work, and a dedication to workplace relations.
B Is an astute businessperson
C Is an meanspirited, penny pinching asshole who has forsaken nothing to make your workplace a living hell
D Shipped your job to Mexico to help pay for another personal helicopter

2. Your Manager is:

A A natural leader capable of effectively motivating people
B A nice person who tries hard
C An overpaid, reactionary lapdog more interested in keeping the status quo than making your job any easier
D The kid at school who used to eat paste

3. Your boss treats you:

A With respect
B Well enough to keep you from quitting
C Like a retarded 3rd grader
D Remarkably similar to the way he’d treat a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of his Bruno Maglis

4. Your pay is:

A Too much, you’ve been meaning to tell someone
B Fair and representative of the work you do
C A little low, but will increase with hard work and promotions
D About 5 bucks over what keeps you from quitting

5. Your office dress code:

A Comfortable clothes to maximize productivity
B Professional attire
C Stuffy and bland
D Has been scientifically created to get you teased, beaten, and mugged en route to work

6. Your company’s policy on interoffice dating is:

A As long as it doesn’t interfere with work
B It is generally frowned upon
C It is strictly forbidden
D Yeah, like I’d fuck any of the losers I work with

7. Your co-workers are:

A Professional, talented, and agreeable
B OK on the job, but I’d never hang out with them in my spare time
C Coffee powered zombies with no apparent abilities other than making up nasty lies about your sex life
D I don’t know; I’ve never talked to them.

8. Charges of sexual harassment in your office are handled:

A There are no charges, ever. We respect each other.
B In a very swift, professional way
C Typical of uncomfortable situations run through a bureaucracy
D By a smack on the ass and a “c’mon baby, loosen up”

9. Your company has provided you with the following healthcare plan:

A Full paid HMO with no deduction
B An inexpensive cost sharing program
C Clearly labeled 911 numbers by the pay phone
D A box of band-aids in the office vending machine

10. You benefit package includes:

A Paid vacation
B Stock options
C Profit sharing
D Use of bathroom facilities once per day

11. The parking situation at your office is:

A Assigned, permitted spots
B An ample public parking lot
C 8 hour meters
D Yeah, like I can afford a car, you jackass

12. Personal calls:

A Are permitted in reasonable amounts
B Are frowned upon
C Are strictly forbidden
D Are recorded, transcribed, and circulated as memos against personal calls

13. Your company’s view on drug testing is:

A As long as there are no problems at work, they don’t care what you do in your spare time
B It is a necessary evil in today’s hysterical anti-drug society
C Random drug testing should make most employees keep their noses clean
D Daily blood, urine, hair, fecal, and spinal fluid samples will let them know exactly which of their deviant employees ever smoked a joint, enjoyed a beer, took a little trip, used cough medicine, or ever ate a poppy seed bagel.

14. As a whole, your job is:

A Challenging and rewarding
B Moderately interesting, but pays the bills
C Mind numbing and pointless
D Slowly pushing you past the point of sanity to a world where you must kill other people and form an army of sex slaves for the afterlife

15. If you hate your job, you haven’t quit because:

A Things might get better
B Any other job will probably suck equally
C You are too comfortable and spineless to carve a new path in life
D You don’t want to hurt your boss’s feelings

If you are reading this at work you might get fired, which is probably a good thing for you in the long run, as you shouldn’t waste your life in a stupid place where you would get fired for reading this. Humans were meant to run through the woods, screw, and kill things, not add up budgets, plan for meetings, and discuss the bottom line. So c’mon baby, loosen up and let the hunt begin: KILL YOUR BOSS TODAY!