Advantages of Living in a Sketchy Neighborhood
Advantages of Living in a Sketchy Neighborhood
Sometimes having a sense of humor helps when you live in a poophole. I came up with the following list of things that I appreciate about the place where I live.
- Liquor stores on every block.
- When my apartment gets broken into I can usually buy all my stuff back from the pawn shop across the street for a reasonable price.
- Constant bass-pumping low riders eliminates need the for a stereo.
- There’s always a nice broken beer bottle within reach to defend myself during my daily mugging attempt.
- I don’t have to worry about paying my bills, because my mail gets stolen, and my landlord won’t even go near the place.
- Drive-by shootings keep the bear population in check.
- I don’t have to worry about making trash day; I just put it outside for the wild dogs.
- I can score drugs, guns, hookers, or stolen credit cards without leaving the front porch.
- There’s always a cop around, unfortunately, he’s usually making deals with my neighbors.
- Lots of places to dump a body.
- It’s easy to lose weight because Burger King closes at dark, and no one delivers pizza to my street.
- I’m never embarrassed about my beat up car, the mere fact it hasn’t been stolen yet is reason enough to beam with pride.
- Nightly gunshot volleys make my too loud TV seem like small potatoes to the neighbors.
- Rats eat the cockroaches and my cat eats the rats, which really cuts down on pet food costs.
- I get to see my house on COPS all the time.
- No unexpected friends drop by, in fact no friends stop by at all.
- Door to door panhandling saves me from having to leave the house to get hit up for spare change.
- Abundance of spent ammo casings and crack baggies on the ground allow for my lucrative urban jewelry side business.
- Firing warning shots out the window keeps my handgun in proper working order.
- If I get lonely I can talk to the drunk who sleeps in my doorway.