People I Wont Give Money To

People I Wont Give Money To

I won’t give money to anyone under the age of 40. I drag my ass out of bed every morning and go to work. I see the same 20ish punks every day. Every day they hit me up for money. I tell them I’m saving it for real bums. If your body works (or even if it doesn’t), there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a job, even if working sucks. (To be read in nasally old woman voice)”If we can send a message to the youth that this is not a profitable way to spend their lives, maybe they’ll go do something better”.

I will not give money to hippies, especially young hippies. The only semiredeeming quality of old hippies is that they actually lived when real hippies existed, but this factor plays more on my pity than anything else. Shave your head, get a job, or shut the hell up. Don’t make me subsidize your drug habit, feed your baby named after the Norse God of Summer, or buy your organic spinach. Once I was hanging out with my girlfriend, when this well dressed hippie skipped over to us with a small white puppy in her arms. “Can I get some change so my little puppy and I can eat?” I suggested that she eat her puppy, seeing how it would solve both problems. My girlfriend looked her straight in the eye and said, “maybe if your cute little puppy starves to death you’ll learn not to have a pet you can’t afford.” I had to agree with my girlfriend.

I will not give money to anyone wearing nicer shoes than I have, which, considering the state of my vans, isn’t too tough. Anyone wearing a pair of Docs should sell their boots and get some Kmart shoes if they really need the money. I’ve never had a pair of shoes that cost more than 40 bucks, and I have a job (sort of), so any panhandler with a $120 high tops can go jump in a lake.

I won’t give money to people with stories of why they need the money. Maybe I’m turning my back on people in real need, but shit, just ask for money. If I get a “I’m stuck here and need bus fare to go to my mom’s funeral” I feel like I’m getting swindled, and I’d rather just give my change to an old dude who wants to get drunk. Usually if you ask a few questions, the story falls apart, and they get impatient because richer looking people are passing them by.

I won’t give money to aggressive bums, they give cool bums a bad name. By the end of the month I’m lucky to have money left for beans and rice. Quarters become a valuable commodity. I won’t part with them, and fuck anyone who gets pissed at me. A panhandler forces him/herself into my life, and makes me deal with him/her. If they get upset and start yelling at me, I’m going to yell back. This has resulted in getting me into a few fist fights. Beating up a bum did little to increase my popularity on the block , but dammit, some huge drunk comes shoving you around, would you take it just because you felt bad for them?

All this being said, I usually do end up giving away about a dollar a day. That’s $365 a year. I know most of the people I give to; they’re old, and seem to be on their last legs. They have no family that will have anything to do with them, and have stories that would make you cry like a baby. And it pisses me off that there are creeps who choose panhandling as a “lifestyle”, because it takes money away from the people who really need it, and often jades us against giving at all. But then again, life’s tough. Once you stop shaping your own destiny you lose your right to expect anything but trouble.