Do you live in a “bad neighborhood?”

Do you live in a “bad neighborhood?”
Take this quiz and find out.

1. How many miles do you live from downtown?

0-5 = 10 pts.
5-20 = 5 pts.
I’m not sure, I’ve never been there = 0 pts

2. What sort of establishments are within 2 miles of your place?

closed gas station = 1 points for each
pawn shop = 2 points for each
liquor store = 3 points for each
check cashing = 4 points for each
crack house = 5 points for each
bars on windows of any above = 2 points per place

3. Do you find it difficult to:

get a pizza delivered = 3 pts.
get trash picked up = 4 pts.
get mail = 5 pts.
get home w/out being shot at = 10 pts.

4. Have you been woken up in the past week by:

a “La Cucaracha” horn = 1 pts.
drunk hookers fighting = 2 pts.
gunfire = 3 pts.
police helicopters = 4 pts.
a bullet to the chest = 10 pts.

5. The favorite toy of neighborhood kids is:

big wheel = 0 pts.
lowrider bike = 2 pts.
beer = 4 pts.
tec-9 = 5 pts.

6. Your neighbors most likely:

respect you as a community member = 0 pts.
often borrow household items, like beer = 2 pts.
break in your house while you’re at work = 4 pts.
would kill you for your socks = 5 pts.

7. Your car is:

unlocked, it’s a safe neighborhood = 0 pts.
locked, so your stereo doesn’t get stolen = 2 pts.
unlocked, so they don’t go through your windshield = 4 pts.
being used as a hit vehicle by “your” local gang = 5 pts.

8. Your local corner grocer:

knows your name = 0 pts.
speaks english = 0 pts.
packs a gun = 2 pts.
is behind 4 feet of plexiglas = 3 pts.
stocks 23 brands of malt liquor = 4 pts.
closes at dark = 5 pts.

9. Your local police:

live in your community = 0 pts.
won’t bother you unless you’re shooting people = 2 pts.
are scared to patrol your neighborhood = 3 pts.
wear camo = 4 pts.
move more drugs than the crips = 5 pts.

10. Most billboards in your neighborhood:

are in spanish = 1 pts.
feature Billy Dee Williams’s picture = 2 pts.
are covered in graffiti = 3 pts.
have been stolen and sold for scrap = 4 pts.
provide ample cover for snipers = 5 pts.

Scoring: If you bothered to add all these scores up, you are a complete loser with too much time on your hands. And if you want to give me shit about making fun of poverty, come to my neighborhood some time and do it to my dogs’ faces.