Just Do It!

Just Do It!

By now most of you know about all the bullshit linking the Crash Site to those looney toons in San Diego. But in case you hadn’t heard, there’s somewhat of a crackdown on ‘internet cults’ (you know how dangerous us internet cults are), and for whatever reason, some watchdog group pegged us as somehow being associated with the whole tragedy. Neither police or these groups will tell us what’s going on. We figure it’s just some crackpots who don’t appreciate our contributions to humanity.

But things have gotten a bit strange. There are unmarked cars with creepy looking dudes checking our offices out. Last night I got seven hang-up calls after midnight. Different news companies are calling, and American Journal ran some story mentioning our company as an occult group. It just goes to prove how hollow and wrong the junk presented to us as “news” truly is.

I knew a few people at Higher Source from their emails to the Crash Site. They were geeks. They were Star Trek junkies. Their work was adequate at best and they took themselves way too seriously. You ask yourself “How could reasonably intelligent people kill themselves for such a bogus cause?” Group identity? These people were so insulated and alienated from a world that saw them as losers, they reasoned that didn’t have anything to lose. Hope of a better world? Sounds like selling religion to the slaves (If you put up with this bullshit on earth, you’ll get to go to heaven where everyone will be nice to you). Maybe there really was a space ship. What were the leaders’ names? Bo and Peep? Baaaaaaa!

So in response to the scumbags who are trying to draw parallels between us and the dead dorks of Diego, I’d like to go on record pointing out the things that separated our ‘groups’.

Heaven’s Gate Crash Site
Swore off alcohol Swore off sobriety
Didn’t take drugs Sometimes don’t take that many drugs
Abstained from sex Could probably get laid if they showered more
Castrated Genitals intact (for now)
Killed by Vodka and drugs Thrive on Vodka and drugs
Wore all black Wear red jumpsuits
Had shaved heads Shave heads when they lose bets (or for lice control)
“Very Professional” “Total Jackasses”
All lived together Can barely stand to work together
Lived in tidy mansion Live in piles of own filth
Saw suicide as “shedding container” See suicide as population control
Fruity new age religion No religion
Introverted alienation Extroverted alienation
Purple Shrouds Wouldn’t be caught dead in purple
Bad Shoes Bad Teeth
Mass Suicide “Peaceful” Would take a few of you bastards with us
Dead Alive (for now)

And you can bet your ass that if some joker set us up in a San Diego Mansion, the last thing we’d do would be kill ourselves. I kinda wish I would have been there. “Nah, you guys go ahead, I’ll catch up later.” Fuck, maybe I coulda grabbed a decent computer. I think other web companies should kill themselves too. Maybe we should set up a legally required cgi form that lets users vote whether the creators of lame sites should commit mass suicide as punishment. That would do a lot for quality control and free up bandwidth, but then again, we might be the first to go.

So all you self-appointed cult watchers should leave us alone. We aren’t a cult, and we don’t have followers; we have friends – big mean friends who owe us favors. If attacked, we will make you look like morons and destroy your credibility. You have nothing to gain by harassing professional harassers.

Note: Through all this crap, Crash Militia Members have been incredibly cool, offering everything from “fight the man!” encouragement to free legal counsel. Thanks. Hopefully this bullshit won’t go too much further. We’re hoping that if we ignore it, it will just go away and leave us alone, and if not, at least we’ll get some press.