The Unbearable Lightness of Peeing

Most male mammals stake their territory by pissing on an object such as a tree or a rock, or even their mated female. This is an instinct linked to millions of years of evolution, before our genetic ancestors had invented electric fences and neighborhood block committees. So where did the instinct go? With the invention of the public restroom, I believe that the desire was sunk deep into the human conscience, hiding underneath layers of misunderstood rage. Consider this.

The public urinal is a pit that receives gallons of different urine brands daily, depending on traffic. All the liquid wastes the body has to offer, as well as plenty of pheromones and hormones, ancient signals that trigger ancient responses. Under the thin fuzzy blanket of civilized society, our bodies become confused. They are not allowed to act out in the way they’ve been built, and no matter how hard you want to smash the pisser next to you over the head with a beer bottle, you usually don’t do it. You repress the ancient urge to defend your territory, and your body suffers for it.

As all intelligent life realizes, repression causes stress. Stress taxes the body. It needs an outlet. It needs a way out. It needs something to kill. While this doesn’t justify random violent attacks, it might explain some random slaughter. If you live in a gross city like I do, urine stains the streets. The homeless, god bless their souls, are marking their territory, and I can’t help but think my reaction to the smell, is more than simple disgust. It’s an ancient biological urge to find and kill. Another casualty of the city?

“He who dreams his semen fills the sky will succeed, but he who dreams his urine fills the streets will suffer.” – Ancient Chinese Proverb