{"id":30,"date":"2008-07-14T14:09:47","date_gmt":"2008-07-14T19:09:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/?page_id=30"},"modified":"2008-07-14T14:09:47","modified_gmt":"2008-07-14T19:09:47","slug":"benefits-of-living-like-a-slob","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/?page_id=30","title":{"rendered":"Benefits of Living Like A Slob"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-family: helvetica,ariel;\"> <strong>Music Writing<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>by Mark Driver<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"font-family: helvetica,ariel;\">Benefits of Living Like A Slob <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: helvetica,ariel;\">OK, fine. So I&#8217;m a slob. I can live with that. While disease, lack of  respect among my peers, and a crippled love life  may be a few of the  negative aspects of living in a trash pit, there are some benefits. <\/span><\/p>\n<ul><span style=\"font-family: helvetica,ariel;\"><\/p>\n<li>Benefit 1 &#8211; There&#8217;s always food within reach. Sure it might be a bit,  uh,  dated, but recall that our ancestors ate lots of gross things. This also  applies to my two German shepherds, Lenin and Trotsky.<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 2 &#8211; I don&#8217;t really notice my roach problem because they are  always under things. You&#8217;re gonna have roaches regardless when you live  on the beach, so you might as well try to give them some cover.<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 3 &#8211;  Unexpected friends and family will kindly refuse your offer  for a place to stay, keeping your place to yourself while making you seem  nice for offering.<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 4 &#8211; Kinda tied into Benefit 3, cheezy people following  you home  from bars will soon lose their urge to mate, and you will save yourself  for someone worth cleaning for (i.e. &#8211; someone &#8220;very special&#8221;).<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 5 &#8211; Like roaches,  police searches are an inevitable event in  Southern California. Cops searching my home (as well as their dogs) would  soon become discouraged, give up, and go back to the station to clean  their boots (not the dogs). Not that I have anything to hide.<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 6 &#8211; There&#8217;s always something soft on floors. This is extremely  beneficial  in case of falls or if I come home too drunk to get into bed.<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 7 &#8211; Like cops,  would-be burglars become extremely  discouraged at  the site of my place. It would be much easier to rob my neighbor&#8217;s clean  apartment.<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 8 &#8211; Lots of hiding places. Who knows when this might come in  handy?<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 9 &#8211; The mess  keeps me from quitting my job and moving to a  different city (something I&#8217;ve done enough of for one life) because I&#8217;d  have to clean the place to get my deposit back.<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 10 &#8211; Unlike most sterile living quarters of first world  inhabitants, I get to experience nature first hand, watching as  biological factors (bacteria, viruses, fungi) slowly break down leftover  lentils to a basic material level, enriching me both as an American, and  a human being.<\/li>\n<li>Benefit 11 &#8211;  Save money on soap and water bills. Without worrying  about dishes, showers, hair washing, etc.,  I have freed up much of my  disposable income to buy important things like CDs and beer.<\/li>\n<p><\/span><\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: helvetica,ariel;\">So all you neat freaks and health nuts can go jump into the ocean for all  I care. I&#8217;m dirty,  unruly, and unpleasant  to be around, and I like it  that way. Now, if I could only chip these scabs off my body . . . . . . .  . . . . <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Music Writing by Mark Driver Benefits of Living Like A Slob OK, fine. So I&#8217;m a slob. I can live with that. While disease, lack of respect among my peers, and a crippled love life may be a few of the negative aspects of living in a trash pit, there are some benefits. Benefit 1 [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":61,"menu_order":84,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-30","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/30\/revisions"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/61"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blindwino.cyberphreak.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}